Wednesday, April 8, 2009

baby clothes

I've been going through all of BabyGirl's outgrown stuff. I know several people who have just had or are about to have little girls and I have pink clothes coming out of my ears. At one point I counted 20 sleepers in the 0-3 month range. Who needs that many?

So I have started to purge. She has long since outgrown that size, there will be no more babies, so why not pass them on?

Except for a few pieces. I just cannot give away 3 specific outfits. Teensy, tiny little lightweight footies that I already can't believe ever fit her. They are so small, so delicate, so cute. And I want to keep them.

It sounds weird, but I simply cannot bear the idea of another baby wearing those particular outfits. One was her coming home outfit. It was a kind of aqua color with tiny pink flamingos and a matching hat. She was supposed to wear it home. But then she went to the NICU and didn't get to come home right away. When we went to visit one day we were told we could take her home in an hour. We didn't have her outfit with us, so we ran to the mall and picked up another outfit. That's the second one I can't give away. And the third is also super tiny and cute which Peanut wore as well.

I don't know what I'm going to do with them. I just can't give them away. Husband looked at me like I had three heads when I said I'd be hanging on to them. He doesn't get it. I don't totally get it myself. I just know that no one else's baby is going to wear them. I suppose maybe they are a reminder of days that will never come back. The days when you have a new person in your who is largely a blank slate and mostly a mystery. The days when they need you completely. The days when they are new and vulnerable and magical and awe inspiring. The days that will never come again.

I have a friend with 4 kids including a set of twins. She is not a baby lover. Of course she loved them when they were small, but she likes them more when they are a little more independent and can do things for themselves and figure stuff out on their own. So I felt great relief and a sense of normalcy when even she confessed to saving a box of random baby things.

So every now and then I'll probably pull those outfits out and remind myself how small my babies once were. It's already so hard to believe BabyGirl wore those tiny little sleepers and it's only been 7 months since she joined us. Time does not fly, it goes at warp speed. And that's too fast for me.

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