Thursday, March 5, 2009

I want my daughters to know better

...than singer Rihanna apparently does. Her boyfriend, Chris Brown, a star in his own right, beat the ever loving snot out of her and it seems she has forgiven him and taken him back.

The whole thing makes me sad. She's beautiful, talented, successful, wealthy and loved, but you cannot tell me that she loves herself. She must not have much self worth because it seems, from what I have read this, was not an isolated incident and she kept sticking around. It escalated into the now infamous incident and statistically there will likely be more.

The title for today is that I want my daughters to know better. I want my son to know better too, of course. I would be so disappointed if he EVER did something in any way abusive to his future girlfriend or wife. I would wonder where his dad and I went wrong. But it is the girls I worry most about. Society seems to like to tell our girls they are never pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, etc that it feels like a mountainous task to get them to be confident in who they are. Add a boy like Chris Brown into a relationship with a girl who suffers low self esteem and you often get another victim of domestic violence. Guys like him can smell low self worth from a mile away. Up to 3 million women are abused by intimate partners each year, and other data shows that number may be low and that it may well be closer to 6 million. 6 million!

I want my girls to know that they deserve to be treated well, all the time. They will never deserve a slap, a punch a verbal beat down, or anything of the sort. My dad used to tell me "He hits you once, shame on him. He hits you twice, shame on you because you were still there." He was right, except I would change the last bit of that. I wouldn't want my girls to have any feelings that they deserved what they got because they hadn't left. No one EVER deserves to be treated that way.

Look around. It is reported that one in 4 women in the US will have had an abusive relationship at some point in their life. Someone you know may have been or may be where Rihanna is right now. Or maybe it was or is you.

I'm wondering a lot about her parents right now. The agony they must feel with her choice to return to a man who beat her so senseless that he's been charged with two felonies. I can only imagine the helplessness they must feel, knowing she is an adult and will make her own choices but wanting desperately to protect their baby from a rage-filled and violent man.

Hug your girls. Teach them that they are beautiful, important and smart and that a good, loving relationship never contains violence. I hope for her sake Rihanna learns that soon too. And if it is you in a dangerous relationship, please call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Everyone deserves to be safe.


  1. I agree, however, I was watching on E! t.v. and it was reported that her dad is supporting her going back to Chris.

  2. If that's true then it would sure seem like that would be the place to start pointing fingers as to where she learned this was acceptable.